Io amo l'italiano!

It feels good to extend the parts of me that haven't been stretched in a long while.  For most of my adult life I've been pretty stuck in my ways and I played it safe doing things I knew how to do.  I had the same job for the last 8 years.  I did the same type of exercise routine.  I lived in the same apartment on the beach.  I was able to create a life of structure where I perceived myself in control of my environment and of myself.  It wasn't until I took a giant step of faith and surrender when I quite my job did it become more and more apparent to me that I relied heavily on an image I had created for myself to feel comfortable in this world.  Every part of my life was controlled, scheduled and premeditated.  I had very few spontaneous, authentic, or light-hearted moments.  I definitely wasn't living in the present.  I was always concerned with the future and how to achieve the desired outcome.  
Well, that's all over with now.  Quitting my job created a crossroads in my life.  There's a new path I'm going down now and it doesn't include holding on, tightening up, and doubting.  It's demarcated by new, unfamiliar and sometimes uncomfortable experiences.  It's awakening the qualities of courage, passion, and authentic self-expression in all areas of my life.  My latest endeavor is taking Italian language classes.  The first couple times in class I was very nervous not knowing a single thing.  The teacher only speaks in Italian to the students so I felt lost from Day 1 plus most of the other students had taken Italian before.  I didn't like the feeling of being a beginner and not knowing.  I know it's not easy to learn a new language, especially as an adult, but my reaction was a testament to how I like to stay within my comfort zones and always demonstrate my strengths and what I do know.  However, after a couple classes, I knew I had to either quit entirely or let go of my story.  From that awareness I created the intention to have "beginner's mind" and to have fun.  Along with all the control, comes taking yourself way to seriously.  I was really good at that.  Well, not any more.  I was able to change my attitude completely.  I chose to try on a new hat - to lighten up, have fun, and to be okay with not knowing.  I let go of my irrational belief that I would fail at it and prove to the world how I'm not as great as I portray.  I decided to embrace the uncomfortable-ness of it all and ever since then, I've absolutely loved my Italian classes.  I look forward to it all week.  I'm so happy that I've discovered this way of being.  It's opened me up to the possibilities in all areas of my life.  With this new attitude, life is truly a wonder!!  

Golf Lesson #1 - Be present

David Pelz Short-game School - Indian Wells

Do you ever get the feeling like the universe is trying to tell you something??  Well, this week, my lesson is clearly one of being present and living in the moment.  Actually, to be honest, this has always been one of my life lessons.  My brain works so fast sometimes and I find myself moving at the speed of light, which can be exhilarating but at the same time I seem to miss out on all the glory that each moment offers.  Even though I'm not working, sometimes I get to the end of the day and ask myself how I've spent my time.  People ask me all the time what I do now and I don't know what to say.  I do have a packed schedule it seems but the moments seem to go so quickly and I've determined that this is a reflection of not being present.  Before when I worked, I would just say I was at work, but honestly I don't really think it was much different.  I was focusing on being efficient and "getting off" on the adrenaline of accomplishing tasks.  When I look back at my job of 8 years as a pharmaceutical manager, I only remember the times when I made valuable, intimate, human connections.  These were the moments I was present.  These are the moments I'll cherish for the rest of my life.  

So why the golf photo you ask?  Because I've been playing a lot of golf as of the past few months and it's taken me until this week to truly grasp the concept that being present is one of the most key factors in playing good golf.  When I make my swing, I have a pattern of lifting up before I'm finished swinging so that I can see where the ball is going.  Obviously, this changes my swing and the ball inevitably responds by going in a less than desirable location.  I've done this for years and I tell myself at every shot to "stay down", which always helps.  However, this week when I was playing with my dad and boyfriend at a beautiful golf course in L.A. on a gorgeous sunny day, we were all marveling in the beauty of the gift of our day together and I felt the superior quality of peace that arrives with being completely present to the abundance of life.  I was able to transfer that aspect to my golf swing and instead of telling myself to "stay down", I told myself "Be present to your action in this moment, and unattached to the future."  I saw a tremendous improvement in my game that day.  Hallelujah!  Interestingly enough, this week I also arrived at the chapter "Habit and Mindfulness" in the book I'm currently reading, Legacy of the Heart.  What an amazing book.  It resonates for me on all levels.  Wayne Muller writes, "But freedom will never be granted by the past, and liberation in the future will always be elusive.  Real freedom comes when we become awake in the present, when we mindfully become alive in this very instant, right here, right now."  I'm so pleased to be gently reminded by the universe that I have the opportunity to continually improve the quality of each moment of my life and hence every day of my life by being present.  Thanks universe! Keep 'em coming!!