It feels good to extend the parts of me that haven't been stretched in a long while. For most of my adult life I've been pretty stuck in my ways and I played it safe doing things I knew how to do. I had the same job for the last 8 years. I did the same type of exercise routine. I lived in the same apartment on the beach. I was able to create a life of structure where I perceived myself in control of my environment and of myself. It wasn't until I took a giant step of faith and surrender when I quite my job did it become more and more apparent to me that I relied heavily on an image I had created for myself to feel comfortable in this world. Every part of my life was controlled, scheduled and premeditated. I had very few spontaneous, authentic, or light-hearted moments. I definitely wasn't living in the present. I was always concerned with the future and how to achieve the desired outcome.
Well, that's all over with now. Quitting my job created a crossroads in my life. There's a new path I'm going down now and it doesn't include holding on, tightening up, and doubting. It's demarcated by new, unfamiliar and sometimes uncomfortable experiences. It's awakening the qualities of courage, passion, and authentic self-expression in all areas of my life. My latest endeavor is taking Italian language classes. The first couple times in class I was very nervous not knowing a single thing. The teacher only speaks in Italian to the students so I felt lost from Day 1 plus most of the other students had taken Italian before. I didn't like the feeling of being a beginner and not knowing. I know it's not easy to learn a new language, especially as an adult, but my reaction was a testament to how I like to stay within my comfort zones and always demonstrate my strengths and what I do know. However, after a couple classes, I knew I had to either quit entirely or let go of my story. From that awareness I created the intention to have "beginner's mind" and to have fun. Along with all the control, comes taking yourself way to seriously. I was really good at that. Well, not any more. I was able to change my attitude completely. I chose to try on a new hat - to lighten up, have fun, and to be okay with not knowing. I let go of my irrational belief that I would fail at it and prove to the world how I'm not as great as I portray. I decided to embrace the uncomfortable-ness of it all and ever since then, I've absolutely loved my Italian classes. I look forward to it all week. I'm so happy that I've discovered this way of being. It's opened me up to the possibilities in all areas of my life. With this new attitude, life is truly a wonder!!
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