The End

Well, it looks like the end of a beautiful, life-changing journey of two years at University of Santa Monica's Worldwide Center for Spiritual Psychology.  I started this blog as part of a co-creation project for school in January and tomorrow I present to the class a video of my experience learning how to achieve a higher level of inner and outer mastery in golf.  When I first started to write here I was uncomfortable and feeling insecure about my ability to write or to write anything interesting.  I used to try to think of what my specific message should be and if the writing was good enough.  (And by the way, I spent a lot of time wondering if I was good enough at anything.)  Now I just sit down and start typing whatever comes to mind.  It feels good not to care about what others think of me and to just be me.  Today I want to share that everything I set out to accomplish in January has come to fruition.  I quit my job to expand into this exploration of self and focus on my personal growth and healing.  It was challenging facing all my demons in the past few months, but I walked through the fear and have come out the other side more authentic, more confident, more joyous, and above all more loving.  There were some times of doubt, insecurity, and fear that I had made a poor choice in quitting my job but looking back now, I see that it was absolutely the best choice for me without a doubt.  In fact, I've reaffirmed my commitment to self and have decided to give myself to the end of the year to be on sabbatical.  Without all the school work, I'm going to start enjoying life to the fullest.  I'm going to start living!  Have I mentioned all the amazing new friends I have from school?  I know I've created lifelong friendships that are heart-centered and authentic.  These friendships are precious to me now and forever.  I couldn't have achieved what I have this year without the support and loving space to work my process.  As my last weekend of school is here and I think about exactly where I'm at in this moment in time, I see endless possibilities for me to create whatever is my heart's desire both externally and internally.  I may start a company next year. I may travel to distant lands.  I'm a blank slate and can manifest new personal qualities like confidence, calmness, and lightheartedness.  I'm not saying never to anything and I'm not limiting my dreams.  I'm ecstatic about my future and I'm loving even more the present.  Now that's something to dance in the streets about!!  

Satisfaction is Finishing What I Start

I am happy to report that this coming weekend is the last weekend of school for me to complete 2 full years of spiritual psychology courses leading up to a 6 day practicum in August and finally graduating with a Masters in Spiritual Psychology.  I can't believe it's all coming to an end.  I have showed up every month for a full weekend Friday night through Sunday night for two years in addition to completing extensive amounts of homework, mostly papers.  I still have a 50 page paper to do over the summer before I'm complete with the homework, but everything is finished that's due this month and there was a lot of writing to be completed.  But it's not just writing, I am pouring myself into this work.  When I entered school two years ago, I committed myself fully to my personal growth and healing and have shown up nothing short of 100% effort.  And the results have been nothing short of phenomenal.  Every minute in class and every second at the computer was worth the transformation that occurred within me.  My life will never be the same and it's because I committed to me.  This whole process has reinforced to me that finishing what I start and accomplishing goals I set for myself is a tremendous positive feedback loop.  It feels incredible to be complete.  Every time I do something like this where I set out on a journey with specific intentions and I get to the end, I feel like I can accomplish anything I set my mind to...and my heart.  What's been so beautiful about this specific journey is that now everything I set out to do will be founded in a heart-centered place that is aligned with a higher purpose.  I know I can make all my dreams come true and life has been waiting patiently for me all this time!

Yikes, it's my ego again!

So, I'm in yoga today doing my best at being present and I kept hearing this voice in my head.  It was telling me that I can't keep going on like this. I need to get a job and make money OR I need to stop spending money entirely.  Well, it looks like the second option is out.  I just kept spinning thoughts of self-doubt in my head over and over again.  Like why did I quit my job?  I'm not going to find another high paying job in the near future with this economy.  I'm foolish for spending my savings. Etc. It went on like this for the whole yoga class.  I kept telling myself to be present but it just felt impossible.  Lately it seems like those negative thoughts are trying to grow roots in my psyche.  I wonder if my ego is trying to assert itself.  I guess if that's the case, all I can do is try to squash it and completely demolish it...at least this is what I was trying to do this morning in class.  OR I can be gentle with myself and create the awareness that I don't have to identify with those thoughts. I can accept them as part of me and then gently remind myself that I can choose positive thoughts just as easily.  I'm probably not going to get rid of my ego in this lifetime and frankly why would I want to?  My ego is here to serve me and help me navigate in this world.  I don't need to suppress it or make it wrong.  But I can continue to foster my connection with God and ask that my actions are in alignment with that of my higher self.  This seems like a more holistic, natural way to create a shift in my thought patterns.  Next time I'm going to start vilifying my ego, I think I'll buy it an ice cream cone instead.

My Cat, My Mentor

This is April, a divine soul having a feline experience.  You can just see it in her composure that she thinks she owns the place and that all of us humans are really her servants.  I'm really amazed by how much time and energy I spend on this animal.  I'm making sure every need is taken care of in any moment.  If she meows, I respond quickly with love or food.  If she rolls over onto her back, my boyfriend and I preen over her.  If she is sleeping peacefully, we talk about how adorable she is.  If she has irregular bathroom habits and we find her specimens outside her litter box, we have severe stress.  My boyfriend is allergic to cats on top of everything so we are hyper vigilant in keeping her coat brushed and cleaned with distilled water daily.  And we don't want her nails to catch on the furniture so she gets a manicure once a week.  We now have her on a special diet with 2 different kinds of wet food, digestive enzymes and only meat because fish has too many metals in it.  This kitty definitely has us wrapped around her little paw.  When she cuddles with us on the couch, purring and "making biscuits" on our chests, our hearts just melt.  In that moment, all the effort and energy devoted to our feline friend is worth it.   And let's be honest, if I'm on the path of inner healing and growth, having a pet is a great asset because she can bring up lots of good material for me to work with.  She's a mirror to me in so many ways as well.  My boyfriend always says that April and I are very similar.  She wants attention but only when she's ready for it.  She's demanding.  She's spoiled.  She likes to be talked about all the time.  She doesn't like to be touched the wrong way or she bites.  There may be some truth to those statements but I see similarities between us in other ways. I relate to her desire for independence and her need to have space and to be close.  I love that when I feel my emotions are getting the best of me and the world is caving in around me, she is the most consistent being around.  And she's always there to  remind me that things really aren't that bad.  All she has to do is crawl up on my lap and share her unadulterated loving essence.  And I love that every time I sit to meditate, she nests in my lap and does her own meditation. That's her nature: confident, calm, and authentic.  She's a Zen master indeed.  I could learn a thing or two from her!

1st Tee at Riviera Golf Club

I never seem to get tired of the majestic beauty of a golf course.  I'm always so grateful to have the opportunity to be spending time outside in nature enjoying time with friends and family.  Playing golf is a great way to get a good 5-6 hours of time together!  And most of that time is spent supporting each other by cheering and complimenting one another's good shots.  It's also a great way to see how someone relates to themselves when they aren't playing well or hit a bad shot...and we all hit bad shots!  At the end of the day and with all the ups and downs of the game, I always feel like I've taken a journey like no other.  Not one day of golf is like another.  Each unique day is depicted by moods, weather, physical constitution, and energy of myself and others.  I love golf for the adventure that it is every time I play!  

Beauty of New Mexico

Local Church in Santa Fe

Taos Mountains - Sangre de Christos

El Monte Sagrado grounds - Taos

I've been to New Mexico many times in my past, maybe 20 times or so.  My grandmother lives in Taos and I try to visit her at least once a year.  Every time I go I rediscover my love for the unique culture and tranquil landscape.  I just went this past weekend, which is my favorite time of year to go when all the plants and trees are coming back from their winter slumber and everything seems so vibrant and alive.  I always stay in Santa Fe for one night before heading up the mountain to Taos.  I love all the beautiful shops and art galleries, not to mention the delicious New Mexican cuisine you can't get in California.  This past trip we ate at Cafe Pasqual's for dinner.  It's definitely one of the best restaurants in town.  Just by walking around the streets of this small town you can get a sense of the pronounced culture, which can be broken down to 3 core aspects: food, religion, art. Since my mother and grandmother both cooked New Mexican food when I was growing up, I have a true love for the unique flavors here.  Some of my favorites are hatch green chiles, posole, and sopapillas.  To get some authentic New Mexican cuisine in Snata Fe, I would head over to The Shed or Tomasita's.  
After one night I'm off to Taos where I always feel the energy is slightly pulling me into it's vortex.  Taos is in the mountains nestled in a valley, adjacent to the Rio Grande Gorge and surrounded 360 degrees by the most magnificent mountains, both peaked and plateaued in form.  It's known for it's great ski mountain, but I love it there in springtime.  Again, food, art, and religion are present here but more muted.  Taos is such a tiny town which has grown significantly due to the influx of visitors but it's still more of a hippie town than anything.  Taos doesn't offer much more than it's natural beauty and serenity, but what else do you need really?  For 2 days and 2 nights I listen to the silence and just let go.  This last time my boyfriend was with me and I found myself judging Taos as nondescript and boring.  I was judging it because it doesn't have the attributes of a city.  But the truth is that Taos is a unique and magnificent natural beauty, something that a city can never obtain.  I live in Santa Monica and going to Taos reminds me that I don't have to always move so fast and judge everything according to standards of modern society and immediate satisfaction.  My ancestors from Spain settled in Taos in the 1800's.  It's part of my history and part of my DNA, so I will return to Taos routinely if not for any other reason but to remember where I came from.

Support is Sublime

Today my project team is coming over for our team meeting to share and discuss our individual processes with our chosen co-creative projects for school.  I love being part of a team, any team really.  First when I was young and in school, I would play sports and always be on some sort of team - soccer, tennis, volleyball were my favorites.  There's something about everyone coming together under common goals.  Values of the group are spawned from such experiences and I find there to be a great lesson in co-operation.  You have to learn how to play well with others, always supporting your team with positive reinforcement and encouragement.  There's no place for pointing out the inadequacies of the individual or the group.  There's only building on strengths and creating a winning confidence.  You can rely on your teammates to have your back and to pick you up if you fall down.  I've translated this team mentality into all group activities in my life.  When I was a pharmaceutical manager, I did my best to foster the kind of team that takes pride in doing their very best every day and understands that helping each other is best for everyone.  Along the lines of "the whole is greater than the sum of its parts".   And now in my current team of four, I feel the same holds true.  I'm looking forward to the meeting today because while I'm persevering and trying to accomplish a hefty task at hand, the support from my team has become my touchstone, my accountability, and my infrastructure.  Each woman brings to the table her unique vibrancy and perspective.  I am better and my process is better for it.  I think one of the reasons I want to start a company some day is because I want to create a team environment.  I know what astounding results can take place in a business setting under the circumstances of genuine caring, specifically stated values, and support.   

The Art of Giving, The Art of Living

This week I've been experiencing huge amounts of joy with the simple act of giving, and there's so much to give!  I've arrived at the conclusion that my happiness is directly proportional to how much I give to others.  And I'm not talking about presents or money or material items, although these items are great to give also with the right intent behind it.  I'm talking about giving of myself, openly and truthfully.  And the truth of myself is that at the very core of me is loving and compassion.  So how much loving and compassion can I give to another in any given moment?  Well, I've determined that this is directly proportional to how much loving and compassion I can give to myself in any given moment.  And since I've been working on this aspect of my life for months now, I've seen a dramatic and wonderful shift in how I relate to myself with these qualities.  Real change can occur with determination, focus, and commitment.  I see now the infinite river of loving that is available to me and I intend on drawing on it to galvanize my life towards meaning and purpose.  And to come full circle, this purpose I am speaking of is making others happy by giving to them my unconditional love, attention, and admiration of their unique and glorious version of the One. 

Vision

One day I'd like to start my own company.  I've felt that all the corporations I've worked for in the past were more policy driven than people driven.  I want to start a company that has very clear values and walks the talk.  I believe that values-driven companies do perform better in the long run.  I believe these values-driven companies make for happy employees and happy employees make for successful companies.  Jim Collins' book, Built to Last, substantiates this theory with a compelling case.  I've decided that in order for me to create this type of organization, it's imperative that I am quite clear on what my values are and can state them unwaveringly...in addition to living them on a daily basis.  For example, I loved this statement on the quality of generosity from the book The Power of Full Engagement, "I demonstrate the value of generosity by investing energy in others, without expectation that I will receive anything in return, and by my willingness to put the agendas of those I care about ahead of my own, even if it means inconveniencing myself at times."  Generosity is a quality I find lacking in my character and it's something I'd like to cultivate very much.  When I think about who I am at my very best, some of the other qualities that arise include unconditional loving of others and myself, inner peace, confidence, passion, inspirational to others, service to others, authenticity, integrity, virtuous, commitment, and excellence.  There are more of course, but these resonate the most for me right now.  I've read in several books that creating a vision statement is integral to grounding myself in my values and helping to co-create the life I envision.  So here are some of the statements I'm starting with and will work with over time.  Hopefully they will help translate to me starting the kind of company that helps change the quality of people's lives including the customers, the employees, and beyond.    

I reside in inner peace knowing that I am part of a greater whole that supports me in all my endeavors.  

I commit to things after careful cross-referencing to my values and I do what I commit to.  

I appreciate myself and others for exactly who they are and give generously from a place of loving and sincerity.    

I make decisions from a place of loving in my heart.

I joyfully engage in service-oriented projects that benefit others in need.

I express my authenticity and passions with confidence, inspiring others to follow my lead.

I am unwavering in my commitment to living a virtuous life.

I strive for excellence in everything I do.  

Okay, good start I'd say.  Just writing these out makes me feel inspired to live my day to the fullest.  I'm in so much gratitude for this opportunity to co-create a life of meaning and purpose.   

Io amo l'italiano!

It feels good to extend the parts of me that haven't been stretched in a long while.  For most of my adult life I've been pretty stuck in my ways and I played it safe doing things I knew how to do.  I had the same job for the last 8 years.  I did the same type of exercise routine.  I lived in the same apartment on the beach.  I was able to create a life of structure where I perceived myself in control of my environment and of myself.  It wasn't until I took a giant step of faith and surrender when I quite my job did it become more and more apparent to me that I relied heavily on an image I had created for myself to feel comfortable in this world.  Every part of my life was controlled, scheduled and premeditated.  I had very few spontaneous, authentic, or light-hearted moments.  I definitely wasn't living in the present.  I was always concerned with the future and how to achieve the desired outcome.  
Well, that's all over with now.  Quitting my job created a crossroads in my life.  There's a new path I'm going down now and it doesn't include holding on, tightening up, and doubting.  It's demarcated by new, unfamiliar and sometimes uncomfortable experiences.  It's awakening the qualities of courage, passion, and authentic self-expression in all areas of my life.  My latest endeavor is taking Italian language classes.  The first couple times in class I was very nervous not knowing a single thing.  The teacher only speaks in Italian to the students so I felt lost from Day 1 plus most of the other students had taken Italian before.  I didn't like the feeling of being a beginner and not knowing.  I know it's not easy to learn a new language, especially as an adult, but my reaction was a testament to how I like to stay within my comfort zones and always demonstrate my strengths and what I do know.  However, after a couple classes, I knew I had to either quit entirely or let go of my story.  From that awareness I created the intention to have "beginner's mind" and to have fun.  Along with all the control, comes taking yourself way to seriously.  I was really good at that.  Well, not any more.  I was able to change my attitude completely.  I chose to try on a new hat - to lighten up, have fun, and to be okay with not knowing.  I let go of my irrational belief that I would fail at it and prove to the world how I'm not as great as I portray.  I decided to embrace the uncomfortable-ness of it all and ever since then, I've absolutely loved my Italian classes.  I look forward to it all week.  I'm so happy that I've discovered this way of being.  It's opened me up to the possibilities in all areas of my life.  With this new attitude, life is truly a wonder!!  

Golf Lesson #1 - Be present

David Pelz Short-game School - Indian Wells

Do you ever get the feeling like the universe is trying to tell you something??  Well, this week, my lesson is clearly one of being present and living in the moment.  Actually, to be honest, this has always been one of my life lessons.  My brain works so fast sometimes and I find myself moving at the speed of light, which can be exhilarating but at the same time I seem to miss out on all the glory that each moment offers.  Even though I'm not working, sometimes I get to the end of the day and ask myself how I've spent my time.  People ask me all the time what I do now and I don't know what to say.  I do have a packed schedule it seems but the moments seem to go so quickly and I've determined that this is a reflection of not being present.  Before when I worked, I would just say I was at work, but honestly I don't really think it was much different.  I was focusing on being efficient and "getting off" on the adrenaline of accomplishing tasks.  When I look back at my job of 8 years as a pharmaceutical manager, I only remember the times when I made valuable, intimate, human connections.  These were the moments I was present.  These are the moments I'll cherish for the rest of my life.  

So why the golf photo you ask?  Because I've been playing a lot of golf as of the past few months and it's taken me until this week to truly grasp the concept that being present is one of the most key factors in playing good golf.  When I make my swing, I have a pattern of lifting up before I'm finished swinging so that I can see where the ball is going.  Obviously, this changes my swing and the ball inevitably responds by going in a less than desirable location.  I've done this for years and I tell myself at every shot to "stay down", which always helps.  However, this week when I was playing with my dad and boyfriend at a beautiful golf course in L.A. on a gorgeous sunny day, we were all marveling in the beauty of the gift of our day together and I felt the superior quality of peace that arrives with being completely present to the abundance of life.  I was able to transfer that aspect to my golf swing and instead of telling myself to "stay down", I told myself "Be present to your action in this moment, and unattached to the future."  I saw a tremendous improvement in my game that day.  Hallelujah!  Interestingly enough, this week I also arrived at the chapter "Habit and Mindfulness" in the book I'm currently reading, Legacy of the Heart.  What an amazing book.  It resonates for me on all levels.  Wayne Muller writes, "But freedom will never be granted by the past, and liberation in the future will always be elusive.  Real freedom comes when we become awake in the present, when we mindfully become alive in this very instant, right here, right now."  I'm so pleased to be gently reminded by the universe that I have the opportunity to continually improve the quality of each moment of my life and hence every day of my life by being present.  Thanks universe! Keep 'em coming!!

Why Surprise Parties are Good for Shy People

This past Friday night my boyfriend threw me a surprise party for my birthday.  No one has ever thrown me a surprise party before and I've never been too keen on throwing myself a party.  In fact, in the past, I've always liked to do a small dinner with family and just move on quickly.  In some way, even at small dinners, it's been uncomfortable for me to have all the attention and also to just receive the love from others.  My awareness of this was heightened at my surprise party.

I'll lay out the scene.  My boyfriend told me we had to go to a 6:00pm dinner because it was the only reservation time available at one of the best Italian restaurants in town, Capo.  I totally bought this because in L.A., it's impossible to get in anywhere great without a very advance reservation.  So we had an incredible dinner, but afterwards he said he was feeling sick and needed to go home so we drove up to the front and he said he had to run into the bathroom and for me to park the car.  So I parked the car in the garage and entered through the basement.  When I reached the top of the stairs I gasped as I saw the family room filled with white balloons and candles everywhere...but it was dead silent and no one was around.  I didn't know what to think but I figured my boyfriend had done all of it and was surprising me alone.  As I turned the corner towards the kitchen around 20 of my friends jumped out and screamed "Surprise!!!!"  I couldn't believe it.  I looked around the room and saw the most magnificent, loving faces beaming at me.  It's hard to describe the extreme range of emotions that I experienced in that moment.  I started crying from the love and from just being overwhelmed with emotions.  The evening was a beautiful manifestation of love for me...for me!  Although I had a wonderful time with everyone and noticed an improvement in my ability to just receive love from others, I still felt somewhat embarrassed that this was all for me.  I knew that it was a perfect lesson to teach me that I am just as worthy as anyone else to celebrate my life and to be the focus of attention.

A couple months ago, I read a great article in The Huffington Post about the different yet profoundly powerful nature of introverts.  This article resonated with me because I do classify myself as an introvert, someone who prefers quiet, less stimulating environments, and I've always judged myself for this.  I find that I regain my energy best by having alone time whereas many extroverts find their energy in stimulating environments and by being around lots of people.  I used to think introverted was the same as shyness, however the article states it's not the same as being introverted but that they do have similar overlapping traits.  I read this morning from the book Mastery of Love, by Don Miguel Ruiz, that Shyness is the fear of expressing yourself.  Aha!  No wonder the one quality I'm trying to cultivate more than anything else is authentic self-expression.  Shyness is the fear of being judged by others which really is a projection of how you judge yourself.  And this brings me full circle to why my beautiful surprise party was a perfect mirror to my inherent self-worth and a reminder that I am the only person blocking me from living a fully expressed life.  I can be an introvert and still feel completely comfortable demonstrating my authentic self to others.  If I am in acceptance of all the diverse and unique qualities that make me who I am then I can let my light shine brightly and make the world a better place because of it.

Transitioning out of "stuck"...even though you didn't know you were stuck to begin with.

Last week I moved out of my Manhattan Beach apartment, where I've resided for almost 7 years, and moved in with my boyfriend of 1 year.  My first post on this blog was about how I quit my job and how I'm going to spend my time navigating through the transition engaging in all sorts of new experiences and activities that will bring forward the grandest expression of my authentic self.  In comparison to the move I just did, this task seems like a cake walk.  At some point, while going through boxes and boxes of old things that had been sitting and collecting mildew in my garage for 7 years, I realized that I've had somewhat of a hoarder mentality.  My running joke was that I should be on the TV show Hoarders that does exposes on extreme hoarding.  I'm not that bad but I'm like a baby hoarder...a full-grown hoarder in the making.  The thing I clearly like to hoard the most is clothes.  I had clothes from college.  I had multiple outfits for every sport.  I had outfits for the beach, for the mountains, for islands, for European cities (not sure what that means) but anyhow, the point is that I kept everything. I had clothes that are 2 sizes too small for me because somewhere in my brain, I believed that I would actually fit into them again.  Or, maybe it's that I want to keep them because I want to be reminded that I was 2 sizes smaller.  Whatever the case, I was shocked and a little dismayed that I had stuffed every space of my apartment and garage with stuff.  As I reflected on what would encourage me to hold on to everything, I realized that I was holding on to everything.  Something about keeping old stuff tied me to the unresolved parts of my life that my subconscious hadn't let go of.  Releasing all of the physical stuff showed me how much energy I can free up in my subconscious when I surrender the old stories into the past.  In the end, I released about 30% of all my belongings to friends and goodwill and I've committed to purging old, unused items every 6 months.  Now I can live fully present to the glory of what my life looks like today, focusing on how much love, compassion and kindness I can generate in each of my present moments.

I took this picture at The Northern Trust Open at Riviera Country Club on the last day of the PGA tournament on Sunday February 19th.  This is the pivotal moment where Phil Mickelson, who began the day tied for the lead with Keegan Bradley at seven under par, sank a 27-foot birdie on the last hole for a par 71 to force a playoff with Bill Haas.  Bradley waited for the crowd’s roar for Mickelson (as seen here in pic) to quiet to a murmur, then drained a 13-footer to cap his 71 and make it a three-man playoff.  Phil's second shot on the 18th green lands in the rough, the infamous kikuya grass at Riviera.  Now, I've played Riviera many times in my past, most recently 1 week prior to the tournament taking place, and I can confidently say that chipping from the kukuya grass is extremely difficult.  It's thick grass and matted and your ball and your club can easily get lost in it.  A quote form Tom Marzolf, past president of The American Association of Golf Course Architects, says it all, "the infamous knurly kikuyu rough at Riviera, in combination with the closely shaved kikuyu green collars, can create a loss of control of the club at impact, often resulting in an unpredictable bounce as the ball approaches the green. The grass at Riviera may be the single most challenging obstacle to low scoring."  The reason why I'm belaboring this point is because Mickelson sank a 27 foot birdie from this wild grass in front of millions of people watching!!  When Mickelson sank that chip, the energy of the crowd was like static electricity.  I felt like I was floating.  Instantly my heart opened up and I could see the infinite possibilities in life.  To witness greatness is to know greatness within yourself - the greatness that comes from a vast source of limitless creative power.  This moment I was blessed to share with many others has inspired me to also demonstrate and share my own unique divine greatness with the world.  And with my unwavering devotion to God and commitment to self, I too may be one chip away from heaven.

When Theory Meets Reality

So in theory, lots of things sound and look wonderful and perfect...which is why it's called theory.  But what happens when you take a well-thought out and heavily contemplated theory and apply it to real life?  I was sure that quitting my well-paying job and trusting that the universe will support me in every possible way, while I devote my time to my personal development, was absolutely the right path for me.  It's been almost a month since I've made this decision and embraced the freedom of unemployment and it's been incredible - reading books, meditating, working on my school project, spending more time with my boyfriend and friends, going to the gym, etc.  It's actually illuminating to discover how quickly one can fill up one's day with so many tasks, appointments, and "must-do's".  I don't know how I ever had time to work!  Well, the fact is that there are so many things I enjoy doing and many things that I never got around to doing that I'm able to devote time to now.  But all this "doing" is really the same as when I was working, just more enjoyable "doing".  I'm not really "standing in the open gap" and creating a new way of being.  I'm the same as before I left my work; I'm doing.  And all this doing is exhausting!  It's so interesting how easily our patterns stay with us, even with our best intentions to change in mind.  So I guess my theory of becoming a zen master after I quit my job hasn't quite come to fruition yet, but this grasshopper is still learning!

A Girl and her Vegan Cleanse

I never thought I'd say this but I don't think I'll ever eat meat again.  I'm on Day 26 of my 30-day Vegan Cleanse and after watching the documentary Forks Over Knives, I am certain that I can sustain perfect radiant health by maintaing a plant-based diet.  My cleanse was completely vegan along with no gluten, no caffeine, and no alcohol.  This meant no delectable pastries, no comforting soy chai lattes, and no more relaxing glasses of wine!!  On day 2 of this cleanse, while nursing my dull caffeine-withdrawl headache with a full-body massage, I asked myself why I would go to such extreme measures for a cleanse.  I couldn't articulate it at the time but I knew that the way we eat is a major vehicle for defining ourselves in life.  Every time you put food in your mouth, you are making a statement.  As I rise in consciousness through my applied studies of Spiritual Psychology, I recognize my need to pay close and loving attention to my physicality along with an acute awareness to my contribution to the highly industrialized and often times abusive food chain.

Yet, I digress!  I really just want to share all the positive results I've experienced with this cleanse because it's truly been a pleasant surprise to come to the conclusions I've come to.  First, I can't remember a time when I've felt so light and full of energy.  Yes, I've lost a few lbs which is awesome, but more importantly I'm energized all day long.  I used to get tired in the afternoon and by 9:30pm I would want to go to sleep.  Now I'm up early and feel great all day until 10:30pm or later.  I sleep fantastically well and throughout the day I experience acute mental clarity.  In the beginning of the cleanse I stuck to a lot of the foods I knew were vegan friendly like almond butter, beans, brown rice, veggies, plus I was intimidated by all the choices at Whole Foods.  But once I started to venture out and buy other items like tempeh and GF breads and new types of veggies, I realized there's a whole glorious array of vegan friendly foods I can choose from and yes, love eating.  I now crave healthy food!  Our cleanse leader, Melissa Costello from Karma Chow, explained that it takes 30 days to change a habit and then our bodies would start to want the healthy stuff and she was right!  Now, not trying to gross anyone out, but certain bodily movements have seen major improvement as well.  Now who wouldn't be happy with all these results?

Plus, after watching Forks Over Knives and understanding that there is proven, irrefutable evidence that there is a correlation between eating animal meat and cancer, heart disease, and diabetes, I really see no reason to continue eating red meat.  Not to mention there's a whole world of cruelty to farm animals happening.

So, I went from eating lots of meat, sugar, caffeine and alcohol to none at all overnight.  Was it easy at first?  Certainly not.  But look where I'm at today: totally conscious of how I'm treating my body.  It's a declaration of commitment to self and commitment to my values.  The inner reward I receive from this commitment has been invaluable.  And it's shown me that if I'm willing to look closer at my life and make changes, wonderfully amazing things can happen.

www.karmachow.com

www.forksoverknives.com

Where is my inspiration?

Is it sitting on the beach in meditation?  Is it in witnessing the creativity of others?  Is it through laughing and being light-hearted?  Where is this so called inspiration that I so desperately seek as I step into the unknown world of unemployment with all the time in the world on my hands?  Well, not all the time in the world.  Financial responsibility will be knocking on my door one day in the not so distant future and all I can do is remind myself to stay in the present moment and enjoy what I've chosen.  Uninspired by my job as a pharmaceutical sales manager, I made the courageous decision to take some well-deserved time out of the rat race and embark upon a journey of self-discovery.  For the first time in my life, I'm going to rely completely on self-referral to guide me towards authentic self-expression and creativity.  What are my true passions?  What are some of my hidden gifts and talents?  Can I let myself experience joy?  What is my truth and how do I demonstrate it to the world?  These questions and more I plan to answer as I spend the next 6 months reflecting back my experiences and understandings of self through this blogspot.  My intention is to create a fun, exciting adventure where I'm pushing myself to the edge and discovering higher levels of joy, creativity, and authentic self-expression along the way.