Yikes, it's my ego again!
Monday, June 4, 2012
So, I'm in yoga today doing my best at being present and I kept hearing this voice in my head. It was telling me that I can't keep going on like this. I need to get a job and make money OR I need to stop spending money entirely. Well, it looks like the second option is out. I just kept spinning thoughts of self-doubt in my head over and over again. Like why did I quit my job? I'm not going to find another high paying job in the near future with this economy. I'm foolish for spending my savings. Etc. It went on like this for the whole yoga class. I kept telling myself to be present but it just felt impossible. Lately it seems like those negative thoughts are trying to grow roots in my psyche. I wonder if my ego is trying to assert itself. I guess if that's the case, all I can do is try to squash it and completely demolish it...at least this is what I was trying to do this morning in class. OR I can be gentle with myself and create the awareness that I don't have to identify with those thoughts. I can accept them as part of me and then gently remind myself that I can choose positive thoughts just as easily. I'm probably not going to get rid of my ego in this lifetime and frankly why would I want to? My ego is here to serve me and help me navigate in this world. I don't need to suppress it or make it wrong. But I can continue to foster my connection with God and ask that my actions are in alignment with that of my higher self. This seems like a more holistic, natural way to create a shift in my thought patterns. Next time I'm going to start vilifying my ego, I think I'll buy it an ice cream cone instead.
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